05-27-2001, 07:05 PM
<b>"Iowa Visitors Guide "</b> <br>[
]<br>Attention Visitors -- Iowa Tourism Council Bulletin:<br>This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.<br><br>1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll <br>do all week at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you <br>got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?<br><br>2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going <br>to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive <br>it or get it out of the way.<br><br>3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we <br>saw Bambi. We got over it.<br><br>4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your <br>butt kicked...by our women.<br><br>5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a <br>flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 <br>inch trout you fish for.. .......bait.<br><br>6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.<br><br>7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final <br>approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you<br>don't have it up to your ear at the time. <br><br>8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what <br>you paid in the airport.<br><br>9. The Hawkeyes and the Cyclones are as important here as the Lakers and the <br>Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.<br><br>10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it <br>rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and<br>pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It <br>comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.<br><br>11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over <br>ice.<br><br>12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have <br>quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.<br><br>13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when <br>it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.<br><br>14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're <br>a feminist. Isn't that cute.<br><br>15. Yeah, we eat catfish--carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and <br>caviar? It's available at the bait shop.<br><br>16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like <br>it? Interstate 80 goes two ways - 35 goes the other two. Pick one.<br><br>17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a <br>religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. You <br>can get breakfast at the church.<br><br>18. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly. <br>Understand the concept or we'll kick your butt.<br><br>19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks <br>the fish.<br><br>20. No, we can't shoot the doves. They're song birds. Okay, even we feel a <br>little stupid about that one.<br><br>Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.<br><br> <br>`I found this pretty funny, it's not ment to offend.<br><br>[cool] <font color=red><b> Aloha</b></font color=red> [
]<br><br>Dan<br>Stand Up!!!<br><br><A HREF="http://www.fishingkauai.com" target="_new"> Stand Up Fish`N Charters Kauai Hawai </A> <br>[]
]<br>Attention Visitors -- Iowa Tourism Council Bulletin:<br>This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.<br><br>1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you'll <br>do all week at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you <br>got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?<br><br>2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going <br>to get dust on your BMW. I have a four wheel drive because I need it. Drive <br>it or get it out of the way.<br><br>3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we <br>saw Bambi. We got over it.<br><br>4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your <br>butt kicked...by our women.<br><br>5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a <br>flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13 <br>inch trout you fish for.. .......bait.<br><br>6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.<br><br>7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final <br>approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you<br>don't have it up to your ear at the time. <br><br>8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what <br>you paid in the airport.<br><br>9. The Hawkeyes and the Cyclones are as important here as the Lakers and the <br>Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.<br><br>10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it <br>rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and<br>pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It <br>comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.<br><br>11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over <br>ice.<br><br>12. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have <br>quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.<br><br>13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when <br>it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.<br><br>14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're <br>a feminist. Isn't that cute.<br><br>15. Yeah, we eat catfish--carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and <br>caviar? It's available at the bait shop.<br><br>16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like <br>it? Interstate 80 goes two ways - 35 goes the other two. Pick one.<br><br>17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a <br>religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. You <br>can get breakfast at the church.<br><br>18. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly. <br>Understand the concept or we'll kick your butt.<br><br>19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks <br>the fish.<br><br>20. No, we can't shoot the doves. They're song birds. Okay, even we feel a <br>little stupid about that one.<br><br>Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.<br><br> <br>`I found this pretty funny, it's not ment to offend.<br><br>[cool] <font color=red><b> Aloha</b></font color=red> []<br><br>Dan<br>Stand Up!!!<br><br><A HREF="http://www.fishingkauai.com" target="_new"> Stand Up Fish`N Charters Kauai Hawai </A> <br>[]
