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Legalese Christmas
#1
[cool][size 1]Shrimpboy and his wife are down here in Arizona to spend Christmas with her family. Naturally, he has persuaded me to put him afloat upon the local waters. Will post a report later. [/size]

[size 1]While waiting for him to get his "duty free pass", I dug up this little gem to share. Ho Ho Ho.[/size]

[font "Times New Roman"][#ff0000][size 3]All I wanted to do was wish all BFT folks a "Happy Holidays and Happy New Year". Just to be on the safe side, I ran it past my lawyers, and this is what came back... [/size][/#ff0000][/font]

[font "Times New Roman"][#ff0000][size 3]From me ("the wishor") to you ("the wishee"), please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. [/size][/#ff0000][/font]

[font "Times New Roman"][#ff0000][size 3]We wish you a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2004, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or sexual preference of the wishee. [/size][/#ff0000][/font]

[font "Times New Roman"][#ff0000][size 3]By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that: [/size][/#ff0000][/font]

[font "Times New Roman"][#ff0000][size 3]This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal. 1.This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged. 2.This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement the inferences contained in this correspondence. 3.This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain geographical locations. 4.This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably as may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. 5.The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor. [/size][/#ff0000][/font]

[size 3][font "Times New Roman"][#ff0000] [/#ff0000][/font][/size]
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#2
Haha hey Pat, that's a funny one! Ain't it true that nowadays just about everything has to be spelled out in legalese or you end up with some type of lawsuit or another! Have a great fishing trip and make sure if you give shrimpboy and his wife any hot chocolate that it includes a warning that its hot and may cause burns cause if they get burnt they might sue you for all your fishing tackle! [Tongue]
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#3
[cool][size 1]I know that Jack is completing his undergrad work towards becoming an attorney. You can bet I will get him to sign 10 pounds of waivers before he gets anywhere near anything that belongs to me. No way am I going to be a test case for him on fishing liabilities.[/size]

[size 1]IF IT WEREN'T FOR LAWYERS...YOU WOULDN'T NEED 'EM.[/size]

[size 1]HAVING A LAWYER HANDLE A FINANCIAL TRANSACTION FOR YOU IS LIKE GIVING YOURSELF A TRANSFUSION...FROM THE LEFT ARM TO THE RIGHT ARM...WITH A LEAKY TUBE.[/size]

[size 1](Plus...over 40 pages more on my hard drive of lawyer jokes.)[/size]

[size 1]Actually, do you know how many lawyer jokes there are? Only two. All the rest are true.[/size]
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#4
TD,

You may not realize how true what you posted is. I am very familiar with a situation where an employee cooked a nice meal for many of his fellow employees, to show his appreciation for their efforts on a special project. He asked a fellow employee to bless the food, and you can't believe how many complaints were filed over that blessing on the food. One would think if they are being given a free meal, that they would be a little more tolerant, but apparently not.
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#5
Thanks, TubeDude, that was great. Have a very merry----- Whatever!
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#6
[cool][size 1]Happy, merry, feliz, etc.[/size]

[size 1]Here's a suitable card to cover all the bases.[/size]
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#7
Hey now.....watch the lawyer cracks!

Thanks to TubeDude for a good day on the water. I didn't have much luck, but it was good to get out and relax a little.

As for legal problems.....After I got back to my in-law's to take my wife to an appointment, I backed out of their driveway and hit a parked car [crazy]!! DOH! It was a rusted old Volkswagon beetle. I didn't hit it hard, but when you paint over rust, it doesn't take much to dent it. My car wasn't hurt at all. Boy the last few days just haven't been good to me (aside from the chance to fish of course). I just need to get home and fish some hard water.

TD- With all the confusion and frustration with the little accident, I never was able to make it over to Tempe Town Lake.

-Jack
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